I had left my birthground already many years ago but would return on occasions to visit my partents and family functions. It was the sort of place that one did not remember or think about, till one was back. Or at least I never did. The collection of houses along the long stretched canal was not of architectural beauty but they were well maintained and probably happy families were living there. With fathers who mowed the lawn on saturdays and mothers who cheered their young ones on the soccorfield. But even on this blinking sunny saturday the streets and gardens looked abandoned. It always brought me back to my childhood and I was always a bit bewildered by it, as it was a universe away from what my life represented now. Big city, bright lights. The most intriguing part of the whole place was its name “Calendula” after the little flower that had grown on the moors till the land had been developed by poor immigrants from Germany. Being paid poorly by the rich families who took the profits when they left the land scarred, with rectangular plots and canals that did provide long views without anything blocking it.
“Its pretty the landscape don't you think” I said looking outside the window of the train that was taking me, us home. The trees were green and its was sunny and soon we would arrive at our destination. A small lumb inside turned around.
“I think that my dad will probably pick us up at the station, just follow my lead. I am sure it will all just be fine” I told Alexander. Turning around I could see him sitting and reading his notes and little papers he would carry around with him. “God” I told myself, this man is so fucking handsome. Everything God and man could have done to make sure people would turn their heads when Alexander passed by, had been done. Being Greek he had the most fantastic Persian nose, the divine nose I had fallen in love with. His Greek-Cypriot great great great great grandmother probably was raped as were his other grandmothers on his native island that had been invaded so many times. Resulting in this Greek God Alexander with his Persian nose. Sometimes I would bite his nose when we were fucking, its was like the ultimate thing for me. “You know its the first time I ever brought a boyfriend home” “Did I tell you that?” “My dad will pick us up, he always does”
A nice silver colored Volkswagen was standing on the parkinglot next to the trainstop where his child and friend would arrive shortly. He was short and bulky, wearing plaid with a cap, looking like a vet from some English countryside. It was a pretty picture.
A wide big smile appeared on his face when the train pulled in.
“How are you?” Dad said and we kissed on both cheeks and on the lips, holding each other.
“Hello mr. De Beer, how are you. Nice to finally meet you” Alexander said while shaking my dads hand and blinking his beautifully capped teeth. Smilingly my dad pulled Alex towards him to greet him and give him a hug. “Come on, get into the car, your mum is already preparing lunch, so lets go” “We are all very happy to meet you Alex” Dad said.
Dad is somewhat of a farmer I explained to Alex, noticing his observation of my dads attire. “His passion are cows”. “Isn't it dad?, how many cows do you have now? And you still have the Limoges cows?” “Are we going to have Limoges meat balls for dinner tonight?
My dad did not answer but turned to Alex and said “you want to see my cows?, we have time for a little tour. I have about 7 cows now, one of the Limoges and a few with those big asses, great for the beef!”
The car was new but already smelled of straw, cattle fodder and a whiff of airfreshener from the pinetree that was hanging from the rear view mirror. The landscape outside reflected my childhood memories of long bicycle rides. The carride took us along longstretched canals till the landscape slowly changed and Saxon farmhouses were visible. Dad was taking us on a real tour. A bit startled I thought about the remarkable change that had taken place over the years. My dad being a dad and picking me up from the station was a far cry from the absent dad during childhood days.
Leaving the Saxon farmhouses we rode into the green meadows till we arrived in the middle of nowhere, where a number of cows were grazing. Parking his Volkswagen on the side of the road he came out and walked towards the field. Standing next to the wiring my dad called them out and slowly the cows came our way. With their large chunky bodies, black shining curious eyes and wet dripping nostrils they looked curiously at their visitors. Their tails sweeping to fight of the buzzing ever present flies. “They think they will be fed, cos I am standing here” dad explained. Softly mooing the black deep eyes looked as if they were able to penetrate our deepest inner thoughts and finding there nothing of their interest, they turned again and left us. My dad laughed, “they are disappointed cos they are not getting anything”.
Suddenly the cows started running and jumping through the field. As if they smelt the fresh green air and grass for the first time after having been in the stables for the winter. Their back legs were thrusted in the air and one cow started to hump the white Limoges cow.
“Look at that! They are humping each other” It happens everywhere!” Dad was almost without breath from laughter and Alex had joined him and had started laughing as well.
Only slowly I started to realize why they thought it was so funny. My dad did not have cows, he had bulls he could slaughter and eat. And apparently he had two gay bulls in his field that were humping each other on a sunny summer day.
Reminding him of his gay son bringing home his Greek boyfriend.
Its the 30th of March 2008. Time for my self portrait, vanitas en extremo. Last pix with my gold necklace. Was a memento from my boyfriend. Bit sad it got stolen, some people said it was a sign. Of what? moving on? Well yeah its time for that. Been single again since last august. Was at La Demence, fucking party, to much crowd and getting robbed didn't put me in a good mood.
